April 29, 2013 – What’s in a name? – Part 1: The Evil Babies

Mixing the Autism Cocktail, what does that mean? Do I drink alot because I have children on the Autism Spectrum? No…but somedays it does help, no lie! To understand where I’m coming from you need to know where we started…

The hubs and I had a normal “courtship”. We were together for 3 years before we got married. Sounds about right. Since we were in our early thirties we didn’t want to wait to start a family. After a few months, it wasn’t happening…first stop OB/GYN. I had an elevated thryroid so they sent me to a reproductive specialist. And the infertility journey went on from there. All I have to say it IT SUCKED! Started with simple drugs, then IUI, then mulitple miscarriages. This is where I feel finding the right “cocktail” started. We deciced to do IVF. This was an incredibly difficult decision for two reasons. One, the expense and two, THE SHOTS! Arrgghhh! But, I was always a mother at heart so I went for it. The first time it DID NOT WORK! How is this possible???? The science seems perfect. I was devastated! It took me 6 months to regroup and try again. Having a baby was ALL I thought about and everyone around me was getting pregnant, effortlessly! WTF! Why me! (Yep, the first of the “Why Mes” to come.) In that 6 months I “mixed the cocktail” with some Western medicine. I did acupunture, and drank this terribly disgusting tea, which tasted NOTHING like tea. It was HORRIBLE! And, more juicing “cocktails”. They were gross! In 6 months I was ready to try again. It worked that time and we had twin boys. They were born 2 months early, but they were healthy.

Our boys were incredibly fussy from the time we brought them home from the NICU. They were there for about 6 weeks. (That could be a whole other blog entry!) B (who we call The Buddy) cried and screamed about 80 percent of the time that he was awake. N (We call him No No) moaned or cried. This is not what I was expecting. I just kept saying “What is wrong with these evil children?” I expected sweet babies who would sleep in my arms. That did not happen. Not only did I have two but I had two EXTREMELY difficult babies. To this day, I have NEVER seen a more seemingly “physically healthy” baby as “horrible” as ours. I know that sounds bad, but this is my place to be honest. I loved them but they made it difficult. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. We went through, maybe it was relux, or colic, switching formulas, etc…more “cocktail” mixing for each one! Each on a different “cocktail” that had to carefully be kept straight. When they hit about 9 – 12 months we started with the feeding issues. Textures were a problem, but I was a first time mom, what did I know? I relied on my pediatritian, who was less than helpful. I needed direction but had NO IDEA where to find it. I was seriously insane! I would cry ALOT and get very easily frustrated and frantic. I had a friend come over while I was trying to feed the boys lunch one day. They immediately started to fuss just because she was in the room. I was so frustrated and embarrassed that I threw their lunch in the sink, took them out of their high chairs and started to cry. She suggested that I see my dr. and get on an antidepressant. Seriously???? I’m not depressed…I’m stressed! I shouldn’t have to be on drugs to manage my life with these devil children! Needless to say, I started on Lexapro and it did help alot. It made me calmer and more tolerant.

That year for Christmas the hubs bought me earplugs. And for alot of feedings…they were used…along with Chardonnay. Did you know it pairs well with banana?